C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
