If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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