I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
