How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
