thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
