So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
