How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Someone came in the potted fern
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
