Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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