is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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