I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
