im drinking this country out of the recession.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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