I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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