i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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