If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
