im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
