In the future we'll all be gay
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
