I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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