WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
