I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sober January is a disaster.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
