today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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