I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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