i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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