My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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