Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
