NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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