I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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