I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
