I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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