Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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