I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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