does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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