in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
