I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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