I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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