found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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