My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
