our cab driver is having phone sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
