That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
