Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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