You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
