she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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