remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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