I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
