guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize