I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
