Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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