Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
