Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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