I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
