my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can I color on your dick again?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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