Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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