I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
