I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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