The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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