Soap is not a condiment
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
