Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
