just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
