He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
