How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So much rum. So many feels.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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