walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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