just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
