Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
