xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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