and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
