Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
