No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
