did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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