Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
