If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize