Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
