he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
